This is War

Red Alert! Terror threat level= SEVERE! The following homeland security report is a warning that we are currently experiencing a level RED terror threat. Conditions are explained below: 
Baby is currently at the age of 3 weeks old, which dictates eminent growth spurt. With growth spurt, you will experience zero sleep, constant screaming and a condition known as OCDBS (Obsessive, Compulsive, Boob Sucking). Terror level is anticipated to subside after 3 days. The following safety precautions are highly recommended.

Red-Severe Risk of Terrorist Attack Recommendations 

• Watch television for distraction purposes.
• Contact any and all support persons (grandparents, husband, sisters, dogs) in case of exhaustion.
• Obey any travel restrictions announced by local authority (baby)- ie. stay within pacifier, reaching distance in order to detonate the explosive device.
• Be prepared to "shelter in place" or evacuate if instructed by support relief.
• Survival supplies must be within arms distance. Possible supplies include: ice packs, nipple cream, water, snacks, remote control, Mr. Lamby, pacifier, and cellular device.

Please continue to check this website for security updates.